One of the last cool finds I had was Mistress of the Apes, which I picked up at Hooked On Video for $1.99 and promptly watched, my mouth open. I want to describe the film, but I can't imagine doing any better than its very funny review at StompTokyo.com, one of those reviews you can enjoy without having seen the movie.

I will share, however, some of the lyrics to the inappropriate theme song, obviously written by somebody who'd never seen the actual film

There once was a lady
Who got sick of the city
So she made herself a plan
To get out of the city
Find her roots in the jungle
Where a woman is a woman
And a man is a man
She went lookin' for a mate
But she didn't find a man
So she found herself an ape!

ooh - ee-ee ooh
ee-ee ooh
ee-ee ooh

She's an ape - lady!
She's the mistress of the apes.
She's an ape - lady!
When she calls they congregate!

It didn't take her long to get used to the monkeys
Cause they acted like their brothers in the zoo
And though at the beginning all their faces looked the same
Before very long she knew just who was who
She used her charms to tame the wild
She thought of everything - but what to name the child!